10 REVOLUNTIONARY WAYS TO RE-THINK MARRIAGE: WAY #4: RE-THINK MARITAL SEX EXPECTATIONS

Raise your hand, especially you married folks, if you’d desire a strong sex life. Hands raised? I thought so, but there’s one critical question that will determine whether it is even possible – What does a strong sex life mean to your spouse?

Here is the dilemma – the church teaches that sex is for the confines of marriage, and rightly so considering many of the devastating facts and stats regarding premarital sex. Sex was created for and should be operant exclusively within marriage. The concern is that although the church teaches the proper message of abstinence before marriage–once married, how does that couple operate within it as it relates to sex? It will surely depend on what their individual thoughts are regarding sex before they said “I do.” “Missionary Position” may be all that’s needed for obtaining a strong sex life, but what if one spouse has images of activities more of an adventurous nature? Once or twice per week may be considered a strong sex life for one person, but what if their spouse’s interpretation of a strong sex life is once or twice per day?

Many Christian marriages are experiencing sexual frustration and the church has done little to nothing to address the issue. Married couples can’t be told what they should and should not do –The truth is, not much is taboo in marriage relating to sex between marital partners, however, problems arise when rules are created without conversation or consent.

For instance, Johnny has saved himself for his wedding day because he has followed the teachings of the church. Although he has followed the teachings and has abstained, he is aware of the possibilities of what can occur sexually in the marital bed. He then enters marriage with the thought – “I cannot wait for my wife to give me oral sex!”

Johnny is married to Sara; a very shy girl. Sara has been saving herself for her wedding day since she graduated college; she has had some sexual experiences in high school, however, not since then. On their wedding day, Sara just wants to lay there and allow Johnny to “handle his business.”

Neither Johnny nor Sara has ever had a conversation with the other about what sex would be like once married. Unaware of the other’s expectation, Johnny becomes frustrated that Sara will not do what he has imagined and Sara is uncomfortable with Johnny’s request, translating it as his lack of physical attraction to her.

This scenario can go on for months and even years – until one decides to intentionally communicate their sexual expectations to the other.

WHAT TO DO

As we re-think marriage I offer three challenges regarding marital sex expectations.

PRE-MARITAL SEXUAL EXPERIENCES

While in Marriage Education couples should be allowed to share, whether on paper or directly to their fiancee what their sexual experiences have been up-to-date. Giving each one the opportunity to share what sexual experiences they’ve had and enjoyed will set the platform for what each will expect to occur in marriage. Also, based upon this discussion, the two will have articulated what previous experiences they do not want to carry into marriage. This is important for the couple to clearly articulate; the raw expectations of the other before committing to the “I do’s.”

PRE-MARITAL SEXUAL NEGOTIATIONS

Once the couple has shared their past experiences and has articulated their desired future expectations– the couple can then agree or disagree on whether they will meet the other’s desired expectations. Negotiations and clear boundaries must be set during this period otherwise this too will prove a source of contention.

If the wife’s desired expectation is foreplay for a minimum of 20 minutes before intercourse – the husband needs to know this is her expectation. His willingness to agree or disagree with her expectation is necessary to ensure marital sexual communication and health.

POST MARITAL SEXUAL NEGOTIATIONS

Couples need to understand that sexual communication is necessary for a strong sexual experience. For this to occur, there are some suggestions regarding when and how to initiate these conversations.

One recommendation is that couples set a date, once per week, to discuss what worked or didn’t work during their last sexual experience. The idea of having this set as a date is to relax the two beforehand, as conversations like these can produce anxiety which often leads to arguments. Additionally, couples are more likely to not get verbally aggressive when in public with their spouse. Often times, if couples have established these types of conversations early in marriage – they become enjoyable moments even when being critiqued.

CONCLUSION

Married couples, especially Christian ones, need to cultivate better communication regarding issues relating to sex. Many affairs can be traced to the notion that, “If my wife/husband won’t do it, someone else will.” This happens but does not have to be your fate. Many frustrations can be circumvented if couples learn to properly communicate their private sexual desires with their spouse. This will, at least, eliminate the guess work out marital sex and ensures you’re a step closer to a healthier marriage.

Next week – Way #5: RE-THINK COMMUNICATION

GOP Presidential Hopeful Herman Cain Says Obama Isn’t a "Strong Black Man" Like Dr. Martin Luther King Jr., But Neither is He

GOP presidential hopeful Herman Cain is questioning President Barack Obama’s “blackness” again. This time, he tells the New York Times, Obama isn’t a “strong black man” like Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. and his father Luther Cain Jr. Really Herman? News flash, we could make the same argument about you! He said if Obama wants to call himself black that is fine with him and if he wants to call himself African American, that was also fine. Why do we get hung up on race? Still, who is a strong black man? Obama has been married to the same woman for years, doesn’t have children out of wedlock and all over the place, plays an integral role in raising his two daughters and isn’t an absentee father, is gainfully employed, isn’t verbally or physically abusive (we would have heard about this), doesn’t have a criminal record, is very educated, among other things. So, exactly how different is Obama from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. in that regard?

Carlos Rico Charged with Abandoning His 4 YO Son Angel Flores on Texas Interstate

Angel Flores, four, found covered with hundreds of cactus needles, after his father, Carlos Rico, abandons him on Texas Interstate.

SHOCK: Angel Flores, 4, was left for dead on a Texas interstate by his father, Carlos Rico, who has been arrested and charged with abandoning and endangering the life of his son. Attempted murder charges should be among the charges. The motorist who found the child, Al Hunt, told KHOU, Angel Flores was covered in cactus needles. He had to be sedated at the hospital to start removing the hundreds of needles.

Sweetwater Police Chief Jim Kelley said the preschooler’s father, Carlos Rico, has confessed to choking his son after hearing voices that told him to do so, then dumping him along the interstate. Rico drove east to Saginaw, and reportedly told his family what happened. A relative convinced him to turn himself in to local police. Source: KHOU

Some people just shouldn’t be parents. Simple. This dirtbag (and that’s putting it mildly) should be locked up for decades. Imagine the psychological effect this is going to have on this little boy? Sad.

Watch the video:

Fulton County GA Jail Officials Brian Shelby Anthony, Aqeel Mushin Rasheed, Keithan Henri James & Robert Lee Swain Jr. Indicted on Litany of Charges

Four Fulton County Ga., jail officials indicted on 11 counts, including possession of cocaine and marijuana with intent to distribute.

SHAME: Four Fulton County, Ga., jail officials were arrested Thursday morning by the FBI and indicted on 11 counts ranging from possession of cocaine and marijuana with intent to distribute to extortion under color of official right, the AJC said. Brian Shelby Anthony, a detention officer, Aqeel Muhsin Rasheed, Keithan Henri James and Robert Lee Swain Jr. were indicted. A fifth person is expected to be named in a separate criminal complaint slated to be released shortly. The raid comes just one week after an inmate shot another inmate in the jail.

Harvard Study Finds July 4th Parades Energize Only Republicans, Turn Kids Into Republicans & Boost GOP Election Day Turnout

Harvard University study finds July 4th parades are right-wing and energizes only Republicans, boost adult GOP election day turnout and turns kids into Republicans.

A Harvard study finds that July 4th parades energize only Republicans, turn kids into Republicans, and help to boost the GOP turnout of adults on election day. Er, who is funding these ridiculous studies? So, what’s next? An analysis of the Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade? The study was written by Harvard Kennedy School Assistant Professor David Yanagizawa-Drott and Bocconi University Assistant Professor Andreas Madestam.

“Fourth of July celebrations in the United States shape the nation’s political landscape by forming beliefs and increasing participation, primarily in favor of the Republican Party.” said the report from Harvard.

“The political right has been more successful in appropriating American patriotism and its symbols during the 20th century. Survey evidence also confirms that Republicans consider themselves more patriotic than Democrats. According to this interpretation, there is a political congruence between the patriotism promoted on Fourth of July and the values associated with the Republican party. Fourth of July celebrations in Republican dominated counties may thus be more politically biased events that socialize children into Republicans.” Source: US News

Two words — bullsh*t! I would love to know who paid to fund this ridiculous piece of junk? The money would have been better spent on helping inner city schools get new books comparable to those in the wealthy suburbs.

Body of Marie Joseph Found at Bottom of Fall River MA Pool Two Days After she Drowned, People Even Swam in Water with Dead Body

Marie Joseph’s body lay at bottom of public pool in Fall River, Ma. for two days, while people swam in the water.

How could the body of a drowned woman, Marie Joseph, lay at the bottom of a public pool for two days without anyone noticing? To make matters worse, people swam in the Veteran’s Memorial Pool, which is located in Fall River, Ma. Joseph’s body was not discovered until Tuesday evening when some youngsters jumped the fence to take an illicit evening dip, the Daily Mail said. The nine year old boy, who was reportedly with Joseph, told a life guard she had fallen into the pool, but was ignored, the Daily Mail said. Heads should be rolling at the local government department overseeing the pool.

There’s another sad twist to this story. According to CBS Boston, the mayor of Fall River, William A. Flanagan, said “that health inspectors from the City visited the pool on Monday and on Tuesday and inspected the facilities.” This was during the time that body was believed to be in the water. As I said, head should be rolling over this tragedy. It is quite obvious the inspectors didn’t do their jobs to the best of their ability.

NOI Louis Farrakhan Says President Obama has Done Something for Gays, Unions But Nothing for Blacks

NOI leader Louis Farrakhan says any black man who stands up for “white” concerns is backed by powers that you don’t see, in reference to President Barack Obama, and adds “the Dragon” is speaking through the “frog” (Obama)

Nation of Islam leader Louis Farrakhan says blacks should not be deceived by the fact President Obama (who is termed as the “frog” through whom the “Dragon” speaks) is in the White House because he hasn’t helped the black community. He said “he’s done something for Gays; he’s done something for Unions; he’s done something this one, something for that one… Let’s see what he does for Black people and for Africa—not sending Hillary Clinton to Addis Ababa to tell Africans what to do! The nerve of her!

You hear the frog, “beep-beep, beep-beep,” but it ain’t the Frog—it’s The Dragon talking through The Frog! He’s not in power! He acts in power, but the powers are behind him, and you ought to know it! Any Black man that stands up for White concerns is backed by powers that you don’t see—but he feels it! And that’s why he acts and reacts the way he does.

There’s more. He also called the U.S. and its allies such as Great Britain and France. He continues to maintain that Libyan dictator Moammor Gadhafi doesn’t deserve NATO forces trying to root him out of power. Read the entire transcript of his June 15th press conference at Landmark View Room of the Millenium UN Plaza Hotel:  http://www.finalcall.com/artman/publish/National_News_2/article_7947.shtml

Isayah Muller Stabbed to Death After Father, Andre Muller, Starts Fight with Parking Attendants Over Suspected Theft of $200 Cologne from his Car

Andre Muller’s violent rage over suspected theft of a $200 bottle of cologne from his car, may have led to death of Truman football star son Isayah Muller, who was stabbed to death after brawl with parking attendants.

Andre Muller’s anger management issues may have cost his son, Isayah Muller, a Truman high school football star, his life. According to the NY Post, the elder Muller, a career criminal, thought two parking attendants, Ramon Hernandez and Joselin Encarnacion, had stolen his “coveted” cologne and started a brawl that left his son dead a few hours after his high school graduation, Tuesday.

The teen was stabbed to death when he tried to help his father, who was allegedly beating-up a parking attendant he suspected of stealing his $200 cologne. The teen was reportedly stabbed by Encarnacion, who claims self-defense and neither attendant has been charged by the police, though a Bronx grand jury will make a determination whether charges should be brought.

Andre Muller has a lengthy rap sheet and was once wanted for a North Carolina murder, although the charge was later dropped due to a lack of evidence.

He did two stretches in New York prisons — from 1992-1997, for a gunpoint robbery in Manhattan, and from 2000-2006, for selling heroin to an undercover cop. He also has prior arrests for drug possession, robbery and reckless endangerment. Source: NY Post

His father is reportedly inconsolable, but was it really worth it to fight over the cologne? That’s all material and of no real value in the grand scheme of things. It also shows that Andre Muller still has a propensity to be violent and hasn’t changed one iota.  He is still a thug. His son’s blood is hon his head.

Watch video of Andre Muller’s arraignment: